As a service awardee this year (completed 10 years with the company last Feb.), I am allowed to bring 1 guest during our company Christmas party. My first option was my friend who also works in the same company but she recommended my high school friend instead. I told that other friend and she was ok with it. However…there was that feeling of uncertainty and discomfort with such plan and I don’t exactly know why I had such feelings. Something was amiss. We were supposed to RSVP last Nov. 22, but given the circumstances, I did not send mine.

And then earlier tonight, it dawned on me. I want a family member to be with me. Specifically, I want to bring my Mama as guest. Thing is, I can’t anymore. She’s gone. Gone forever to be our angel. Sniff sniff. It would have been fun to spend the night with her and show where and who I spent the last 10 years of my life.

So, the next best thing was to check with my aunt if she’s available and she can spare time to come. Maybe bringing her would be like being with my Mama. If not, at least we can have some of the night reminiscing good memories of our times with Mama. If she is available, and if I’m still allowed to RSVP this week, then maybe it’s meant to be. It remains to be seen.